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12th Entry - 8 January 2014

“I’m feeling happier. And, I’ve barely thought of Stuart. But I feel hollow and empty. The happy feeling is there but it’s behind the glass pane. Basil has asked to see me. Mom and Dad said no as soon as I mentioned it. I make such a big deal out of everything. It makes me so annoyed at myself. I feel like I’m a walking cliché. I don’t like the way I’m feeling. It’s unstable. It makes me worried. I want things to be the way it should be. Not all this medicine, all the pathetic drama. Why can’t it be simple? You wake up, go through the day. School, learning, friends, healthy eating. Then home, homework, study, Tv or internet then eating and bed.

Steve was here today. Him, Rose and I were in her room and she pulled Steve until he was lying on her boob almost. It was funny. He got so uncomfortable and kept something over his junk the whole time, so when he left I told Rose what I thought and we laughed so crazy hard.”

I started therapy round about age 14. I was seeing a young woman here in town and she was seeing Rose too. I always knew she liked Rose better so I never really played ball with her. Skip forward a year and a half and I've found a new psychologist. I won't tell you too much about him but he will probs feature a lot in these blogs. He is one of the kindest and strongest men I've ever known and he has changed my life in so many ways and taught me things I'd never have learnt. 

E.H. 

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