Skip to main content

22nd Entry - 15 June 2014

“Well, today is Father’s Day. I couldn’t sleep last night. I was really anxious so I got in with Mom and Dad. Mom was upset so in the middle of the night she asks me to get in the middle and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. So she gets mad and calls me pathetic. What kind of person can have insults so late at night. Anyway, I woke up exhausted. Not cool. Yeah. So I’m miserable today. I still miss Stuart. It’s not fair. Just one blow after the next. I wish I could get a break sometime. I’m writing on Tuesday and I have no idea what I’m writing and I haven’t studied. At all. And I know I should be worried but I’m not. So I’m worried that I’m not worried.” 

Looking back now I think it's a little weird that I used to get into bed with my parents at that age, but, hell, if it made me feel better, it made me feel better. My parents made me feel safe and comfortable and then I could usually fall asleep. It's also just like me to not study before an exam. Well, that's not true. I always study. It's just usually the night before the exam. We Hunter's are total procrastinators and will but anything before school work. Every exam time all of our clothing cupboards are really clean and we are helping with the housework. Rearranging drawers. It's how we work. 

E.H. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

80th Entry - 29 April 2017, 9pm

"So. Wow. You've missed a lot. John and I are dating as of the 18th. It's wonderful and gentle and sweet and all kinds of lovely. He's more fantastic than before. I mean, he was always great but things are kinda perfect now. Which scares me. I feel like it's easier to get hurt now. And not just me. He can be hurt by me too. It's equally great and terrifying. It's just really difficult when he leaves. It makes me sad and mopey and generally unpleasant-feeling. I think the trouble is that it all seems so normal that things seem like we've been dating forever and it has been a week. Which is scary. I feel like I'm less mature and ready than everybody thinks. I am doubting myself a lot and it's difficult. How do you deal with your own views of yourself? I don't see myself as a particularly bad person but I just don't see whatever it is that John, Nick and Richard see. I think I need to speak to the girls about making fun of me. It really br...
Post a Comment
Read more

20th Entry - 27 April 2014

“So medication muddle again. I took Dopaquel last night and another 50g this morning at 11:00. It sucks. I was as high as a kite. It’s so confusing. You just feel like you’re floating. Mom wants me to go back on Serdep. Dad does too. But I don’t want to. It never goes well. I don’t feel in control. I have no say over what my body does. Rose said to me a few nights ago that she used to know me inside and out and now she has no idea who I am. That she doesn’t even recognise me. I’m not really surprised because you could see it. But the really scary thing is that I didn’t even care. I don’t feel anything. Nothing. People can make me mad, can hurt me but I feel nothing. I feel hollow. My taste, my love for people and for music. It’s just gone. I’s like I’m an empty shell. Nothing in here. I don’t understand what’s happened to me. I’m not this person. I know I’m not. I am a loving person. I’m passionate. And now it’s all just gone. What do I do? I’m hurting everyone I love. I can see mysel...
Post a Comment
Read more

78th Entry - 29 March 2017, 7pm

"Mom is at her work conference. So it's just Dad, Rose, Bella and I, And Steve. It's weird not having Mom at home. I'm feeling vulnerable and slightly irritable. Which is not cool. I spent this afternoon watching a bit of TV with Bella and then I spent the evening with Dad. I don't want him to be lonely without Mom. I don't know what is up with me at the moment. I feel lethargic and like I have no motivation. It's weird. And uncomfortable. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel useless and bored and frustrated. I want to do something else but I don't really know what to do. I get energy sometimes but it never lasts. Sometimes I feel like I can do work this year. But then I don't feel like I can do anything. I feel like these entries are really repetitive. My life feels repetitive too. Like everyday is the same thing with the same problems. It's difficult with Nick right now because I feel like we are in two different paces in our relations...
Post a Comment
Read more