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24th Entry - 28 July 2014

“Today was awful. I barely ate last night because I felt sick. So I woke up very hungry. This morning I went to get a banana. I was already feeling sick the night before and felt sick again the next morning. But I got dressed and ate and brushed my teeth. Then when Mom was in the laundry I went to tell her I wasn’t feeling well. Which I hate because she always asks if I need a bucket. But I told her and then asked if I could take medication for my tummy. And the I did. Then we got in the car and I wasn’t feeling well. Icky. The whole way to school. I played with my fingers and I prayed and I counted. It was awful. I was scared and upset and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go to school. Mom pulled up at the tennis courts and the girls got out. I told her I wasn’t feeling well. I expected her to believe me and I thought she’d let me go to work with her. But she wouldn’t. She said I had to go to school. But I wouldn’t get out the car. So Mom drove to the front of the school. I was crying and I wouldn’t get out. So her and Rose left to go inside. Rose had to go into school because school started. Mom went in to get Mrs Louw. Mom then proceeded to drive into the school and eventually Mrs Louw came out. I still wouldn’t get out. Eventually we came to the agreement that I would go in and write my test and Mom would sit with me a while. So we went and did that. I stayed there for the test and for lesson 1. Then I went to the rest of my classes. Dad picked us up early when he finished at the dermatologist. Well, not early, but normal time. We came home and I ate and did homework. Mom came home and then Dad makes this stupid comment that when I’m supposed to perform this stupid poem that Mom will just stay in the car. I was upset. And later Dad came to apologise. He told me he was disappointed a teacher had to beg me for 15 minutes to get out of the car. He told me he loves me but what happened today wasn’t cool. Like I didn’t know. They don’t understand that I’m doing the best that I can. I’m doing all that I can.”

There have been a lot of days like the one described in this entry. I remember my Mom and Dad phoning Richard, my psychologist, at night and making plans to get me to school the next day. There were days when Mom and Rose would physically get me out of bed and dress me then force me into the car. Richard was great about all of this. Always being available and letting me call whenever. He is a superstar. Mom and Dad did the best that they could and this was all totally new to them, because when they were growing up no one knew about these mental illnesses. But, I don't remember everything that happened and I'm not even sure my comments are true. But I feel like I was robbed of my teenage years. And not because of my parents, but because of all of this. 

E.H.

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