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48th Entry - 10 March 2016

“I’m so sick of this. Like what the hell. All these people feeling so much pain in one building. I just want to cry. I’m tired of having to be strong for everyone around me. I want them to be strong for me. I know I choose to be strong for them and take on others’ pain. But I just want just one person who I’m not paying or are my parents to see that I need help. Or lust? Love? Passion? Friendship? But what do I do until things get better or I feel better? How do I cope until then? I only see Richard and Dr Edgeley again on Monday. That’s a long time in clinic time. I’m tired of people and at the same time I crave their presence. But what I want now is a shoulder to cry on. A specific shoulder. Not even saying it. My brain is such a mess. What am I going to do?” 

My times in the clinic are not the best times. They have to be pretty bad for me to actually be admitted and then things usually get worse from there. I make friends with pretty much everyone. I was a part of the teenager group which is 2 girls and 2 boys. So there aren't many options for friends your age. I made good friends the first and last time I was there. 

E.H.

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