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63rd Entry - 16 November 2016, 7pm

"I don't know why but I guess I just felt the need to express myself. I'm really struggling at the moment and I keep asking and hinting to everyone that I need help and I'm just not getting it. Dad just goes quiet or he tries too hard to relate to me and Mom just says she can't help.I'm so lost right now. And I'm scared. I'm really scared. I can't really feel anything. It's like my emotions are behind a wall but I can still see them. I'm still suffering. Which is worse. I've been feeling really low these past few days and I'm scared about what will happen. What I will do to get away. I go through these bouts of misery, walled misery, but it's still bad enough that I pray and hope for death. Which I'm also scared of but it just seems the lesser of two evils. I'm also really scared that I'm losing myself more than I have already. I'm scared of all these emotions that are drowning me. This anger that rises and swamps me. I'm scared that nothing makes me happy anymore. Not TV, music, movies, reading or people. In the past there has always been something keeping me going but now it's like I've lost all motivation to live."

E.H.

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