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64th Entry - 20 November 2016, 5pm

"So my day was boring. Did nothing new. Nothing interesting. My life has legitimately got no meaning. No point. Grampa visited today. He rode up on his bike. I told him I never wrote my exams and he seemed embarrassed and changed the topic quickly. I hate knowing that I've disappointed him. And Granddad. Dad. Mom. The girls. Aunts and Uncles. Friends. Teachers. Everyone I've ever met. It's difficult having very few people who understand. John gets it but talking to him has been weird lately. There is a strain in our conversations. I miss him. Then there is Nick. Which is a totally impossible situation. I think I might have lost faith in our friendship. It sounds truly awful but I feel as though all that our friendship holds are expectations. I think the real issue is that I don't know how to people anymore. My brain just isn't working properly. I just don't know anymore. Everything feels so hopeless. What do you do when you have lost faith in everything. I do know that I don't want to struggle. I'm saying I don't want to life. I have nothing left of myself. I don't recognise myself. I've lost all of myself."

E.H.

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