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65th Entry - 25 November 2016

"Wow. I miss the days where my most pressing issue was a boy liking Lilah over me. I listen to music and feel nothing. I read and feel nothing. Nothing plugs the hole that has become my life. No one seems to notice I'm drowning in this world. They notice me coming up for breath. I'm not waving, I'm drowning. These four people who are supposed to care about but can't seem to do that. And I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to keep on going. I'm so frightened. I'm lost and alone. I'm so scared. And when I'm not scared I'm angry. But no matter what I'm feeling, the numbness is still there. And that's the worst of all. And I'm constantly doubting every feeling and thought and numb emotion. I've never been as alone as I am now. I'm so close to giving up and no one sees me. they don't see the struggle. And I've run out of ways to try and explain my thoughts. My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations. I don't even know why I'm writing. It's not helping. My life is a waste. I've been a dud from the start. A pathetic flaw in evolution. All I do is waste opportunities and disappoint the people I love most. I give up."

E.H. 

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