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76th Entry - 9 March 2017, 5pm

"So I saw Richard today. And we spoke a lot. As per usual. We spoke about family stuff. Like how scared I am about the girls being upset and weird. And how it's difficult with them telling me nothing. we spoke about all the stuff Nick and I spoke about on Friday. How I don't think marriage and children are for me. How I worry I will pass my genetics on. Or that my condition will overtake my child's life. I don't want that. Any marriage to me would be terrible. How I'm fragile all the time. Richard says my concerns are valid but that things will change, I will be more stable and that I will be more capable of handling a relationship and stuff. Richard spoke about things at home and how things with the girls will one day be different. I hope so, anyway. So I have to have my wisdom teeth removed soon. Which sucks but I just want it to be over and done."

It's kind of strange how most of the time when I type out my journal entries they seem to be relevant to what I'm dealing with at the time. In this entry I was dealing with struggles with my sisters. At the moment I'm dealing with slightly different issues, but issues none the less. I really don't know sometimes why I bother trying. It feels like I just try and try and try and everything just beats me up. It is so difficult being told you aren't good enough all the time. How do you get a good idea of yourself when the people around you, that are supposed to love you, break you down. I guess I'm just in a bad space. Which will pass, too. 

E.H. 

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