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77th Entry - 25 March 017, 6pm

"I'm kinda tired from this week. Nick was here Wednesday then Lilah was here Thursday and Friday and now Nick was here Friday and Saturday and now it's Saturday evening. Mom and I are squabbling. I'm tired of being not needed or wanted or loved. It's really difficult. The only times I feel normal or good are when I'm talking to Richard or John. It's the only time my brain works in a way that feels right and is comfortable. I'm worried that I'm developing feelings for John because I don't want to ruin our friendship or freak him out. I also don't really know what I'm feeling but I've just gotten him back and I don't want him to Houdini again. I'm unhappy about how things are at home. All the tension and fighting. I miss home being my sanctuary. I have no sanctuary anymore. I get to safely express myself are here, with John and with Richard in our sessions. I'm really struggling with my friendships with John and Nick because I feel like I don't have enough space in my lives to be friends with both of them. Sometimes I need Nick and sometimes I need John. But I know I can't switch either friendship off like a light switch. It's not fair and I won't do it." 

E.H.

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