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78th Entry - 29 March 2017, 7pm

"Mom is at her work conference. So it's just Dad, Rose, Bella and I, And Steve. It's weird not having Mom at home. I'm feeling vulnerable and slightly irritable. Which is not cool. I spent this afternoon watching a bit of TV with Bella and then I spent the evening with Dad. I don't want him to be lonely without Mom. I don't know what is up with me at the moment. I feel lethargic and like I have no motivation. It's weird. And uncomfortable. I don't know what I'm doing. I feel useless and bored and frustrated. I want to do something else but I don't really know what to do. I get energy sometimes but it never lasts. Sometimes I feel like I can do work this year. But then I don't feel like I can do anything. I feel like these entries are really repetitive. My life feels repetitive too. Like everyday is the same thing with the same problems. It's difficult with Nick right now because I feel like we are in two different paces in our relationships. I just want him as a friend. I don't want him to wait for me or any of that stuff. Despite what people are telling me, I don't want that with Nick. The other thing about John I'm too scared too write. I told Rose and Bella and they were like duh. Which is making me confused and slightly awkward. I know things are better with me than they have been in a while. But that doesn't make it any easier. I also feel like I'm giving myself too much of a break or making excuses. But I know life will never be easy and that makes me question if it's worth is. Which I just don't know right now."

E.H.

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