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84th Entry - 31 May 2017, 6pm

"So today was average. I'm writing English Paper 1 tomorrow and I never studied. At all. I wish John were here. I wish life were different. I'm becoming quickly frustrated with life of mine. Same thing every day. Nothing new, nothing good. John read  me a piece of his writing and people loved it and want to publish it. How exciting! I'm so proud of him. but also scared he'll leave. It's silly. I'm tired of this. Everyday is the same. Argue and argue and argue. Over and over and over again. Why? What's the point. I ache for a life where I am needed and wanted and encouraged and supported. But I'm just not here. I'm nothing here. Nothing at all. I miss John. He is always too far away. I wonder where things will go with us. I wondering we'll be together in a year or two? Or even a month or two? I hope so. He is the only thing keeping me going. He is like this bubble of goodness and kindness and happiness. He makes me feel loved and safe and wanted and cared for. Until he has to leave me again. It kills me a little bit inside every time I have to say goodbye to him. I hate it. And there is literally nothing I can do about it. He is just too far away. It makes me so helpless having to get through a whole week without something good happening. I'm so unhappy at home. No one looks after me here. It hurts to be ignored and dismissed. But what can I do? Run away. Far away. But no. I'm stuck here."

E.H.

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