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87th Entry - 5 July 2017, 2pm

"So wow. A lot has happened. I've started a blog with all my old journal entries. It's difficult to write and process how bad things were. But I feel like it's important to keep going. Almost like there is something else driving me to do this. Rose is acting a little weird lately. I'm worried. It's startling to watch. I wonder if it was like this with me. I'm also really worried because when Rose gets in a bad space she gets really harsh and I'm worried Steve is going to get hurt and leave. I know he loves Rose but how much can one person take. The girls couldn't handle me when I was sick and we are family so how is Steve supposed to react. Things with John are wonderful. He is the kindest, sweetest, most loving person. When I was there the other night, he kissed up and down my back and with every kiss he softly said that he loved me. It was so wonderful. I've never felt as loved or adored as I did in that moment. Reading back on old entries I see how different things were with other guys. It's never been like this. We make sense together and I want this forever. I want a future with him which is scary but also really exciting. I've spent a lot of time at John's place. I like it there and I feel comfortable. Like I can relax. We spend time with his family and there is no judgement or teasing. It's nice but I miss home. Last night Dad and Rose were arguing and I managed to stay out of it and keep things calm like Richard taught me. Dad cried but at least no one was yellling. John and I went wine tasting in Franschhoek and saw Nick's parents. So I introduced them to John. All in all it was a great day. So last night John and I were video calling and I put him on the mirror in the bathroom and went to my room to quickly grab my toothbrush and Bella walked into the bathroom naked. John was sleeping so he never saw anything but everyone was pretty angry." 

E.H.

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