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109th Entry - 27 December 2017, 5pm

I had a really nice Christmas. I got to spend it with my family. Everyone was in a good mood and things were just chilled. I am just worried because things aren't great with me at the moment. I can just tell something is off. I emailed Prof and he said it might be me just being hormonal from PMS. But I really think it is something bigger at play. I wonder if I will get into Fairmont next year. They don't accept Matrics and I left the normal school system. I really want to just do a year of actual learning where I can focus. It would be so nice to be in school with Bella. The only downside of going there would mean that I was going to school with a bunch of juniors. I think I'm going to email Prof again and just update him because I know something isn't right. Tomorrow we're going on a bus tour of Stellenbosch wine farms. All of us are going and all of Mom's family. There are 20 of us I think. I'm excited but kinda worried because the adults get kinda annoying when they are drunk. But it will be fine. I watched a movie yesterday called "Lady Bird". It's about this girl in high school who makes some bad choices. One thing I can relate to is struggling to communicate with your Mom. I love my Mom and Dad more than anything. But sometimes I just feel like they don't understand me. I feel like no one really gets what is happening inside my head. I really feel like I don't fit in in this world. I know that the girls love me. I know Mom and Dad love me. But I feel like they don't really like me. They tolerate me. I annoy people and they treat me accordingly. It's difficult. I haven't found my spot in life yet. But I will. Another thing that is difficult is that the girls really don't treat me nicely. Rose is just dead rude and Bella is only nice to me some of the time, and then it's because her and Rose aren't talking. Anyhoo, stay safe, guys.
 
E.H.

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