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91st Entry - 17 August 2017, 8pm

"I saw Richard and Prof today. Both of them think that I am doing well. I spoke to Prof about my bipolar and he said I have genetic bipolar which is messed up by antidepressants. I spoke to both of them about Rose. I'm just going to let things play out because there is nothing I can do to help except look after myself and hope they follow my lead. According to Richard, anyway. Dad is really making me sad that he doesn't like John but I know he is trying. He just doesn't see how wonderful John is. I'm finally happy with someone who really loves me. I must just let things happen. They don't have to get along. I really miss John right now even though I'm seeing him tomorrow. It's really difficult for me to be home with my family when I don't get support about stuff. I'm really tired of living with these people. No one treats me like an actual human. Bella blatantly chose her friend over me. And then said that John is mean to her. I'm really sick of my life like this. I don't want this stupid-ass life. I try so hard all the time to make things better and to soothe things. Things will never change and I don't know why I try. I was in a good mood and it's just ruined. As per usual. A waste of time. And, like the idiot that I am, I will keep trying. Which is stupid. It will always be four against one."

E.H.

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