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112th Entry - 7 January 2018, 1pm

So my holiday is almost over and school is starting soon and I still don't know where I am going. But there is very little I can do until school starts and we get some answers. Nick came over these last few days and spent some time with me. It was really nice and I enjoyed his company a lot. It felt like the days when it was just the two of us and things were still simpler. Those were nice times. I am unhappy at the moment. I struggle to fall asleep, I am pestered by bad dreams and I just wake up unhappy. It's difficult because I can remember all the times when I woke up happy and life just seemed good. I know for a fact that I wasn't just happy because of John. Things were better mentally. Now I'm struggling and I just have to work a little harder to be happy. Prof will sort things out. He emailed me today and hopefully there will be some answers. I know that I need to keep busy. And I will do my best. It's raining today and it's beautiful. I've missed the days where it rains everyday for weeks on end. I miss all the plants being green. I really hope this drought gets remedied soon. I'm not sure if I told you that I deleted my Instagram and Snapchat off my phone. I felt myself posting more often that normal like I had something to prove. I enjoy those apps because you can keep updated with your friends. But, then because their lives seem great you feel the need to prove to other people that yours is too and that becomes unhealthy. So I stopped. This ties in with my weight issues because before I would look at people and they were just people. Now, I categorise everyone into stupid boxes with lables and I hate that. I must speak to Richard and Prof about this. I don't like judging people at all but definitely not because I am insecure about myself. That is bad. I am a better person than this. I just need to get some help with this. I know I am better than these weak habits. Anyway. Until next time.
 
E.H.

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